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Author Topic: Wal-Mart  (Read 754 times)


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« on: January 31, 2014, 07:46:34 AM »

This sounds like stuff I would do.

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented
by our video surveillance cameras": 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of
condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't
looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused
the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing
management to lose time and costing the company money. 5. August 4: Went to the
Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of chips. 6. August 14: Moved a
'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in
the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if
they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which
twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help
him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called. 9. September 4: Looked right into the security
camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10:
While handling guns in the Sports department, he asked the clerk where the
antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while
loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto
department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 22: When an announcement came
over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S
THOSE VOICES AGAIN! 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked
where the fitting room was. And last, but not least: 16. October 23: Went into
a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly,
'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the Staff passed out.

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